Feel my heart break
by Hawka
Summary: "So you return to your white picket fence life. To Victoire, your destined-to-be wife and your two beautiful children, forgetting the furious, affectionate blaze that had once been Harry Potter's daughter and forgetting who destroyed her."


"Feel my heart break" were the only words on the label. A tiny bottle filled with silvery strands. A bottle that filled you with fear, but you were Teddy Lupin, Gryfindor, son of Remus, so you tip it into the pensive and plunge in.

A red haired girl laughing, as you spun her round, her face falling as an older blonde called you away. A red haired girl focused in a make believe game, reality crashing round her as you turned away. A red haired girl hidden, fiery curls amok watching you laugh with a beautiful sunshine girl, tears dripping down her cheeks. A red haired girl's expression as you give your wonderful news, a red haired girl's heart breaking as she runs from the room.

You tumble back onto the floor, and feel fury run through you, at yourself for never realising how early it began and at her for bringing it all back up again. How dare she? How could she? You can feel the guilt and the memory and the knowledge that this _is_ your fault but you push it down, scoop the memories back into the bottle and owl it to her, and move on with your picture perfect life. After all what place is there for the ball of fire that was once your _best, best friend_, so force yourself not to care, you're good at it by now.

"Feel it shatter" the only words on the label of the tiny bottle filled with silvery strands. A second bottle that fills you with more fear than the first. But your Teddy Lupin and your supposed to be brave so you tip the bottle into the pensive and plunge in.

A sobbing red haired girl pulls on a mask of glitter and too short skirts, leaving nothing but a sparkling teenage girl. A sparkling girl smiles at a stunning blonde, sugar sweet and smiling, a sparkling girl dances, a drink in her _too too young_ hand, a sparkling girl runs her lips down a laughing boy's neck. A sparkling girl, a different boy, too many nights. A sparkling girl mocking, teasing, flirting. A sparkling girl laughing, bitter and free. A sparkling girl breaking away from the brothers a red haired girl once adored. A sparkling girl alone, tears blurring the mask. A popular sparkling girl rebelling, a sparkling girl's heart break, break breaking while the world moves on.

You stumble backwards, keeping your balance, shock flooding your system, followed by grief. You'd known the red haired girl you'd known had died long, long ago, but you never realised how thoroughly she'd been destroyed or what had replaced her. You could feel guilt mixed in, you'd destroyed the red haired girl you'd once adored. But you hadn't known, you couldn't have known, you couldn't have prevented it. This wasn't your fault! So you pushed the guilt down and sent the delicate bottle back, resisting the urge to add an apology. Pushing the later memory, the memory that _was_ your fault aside and returning to your white picket fence life. To Victoire, your destined-to-be wife and your two beautiful children, forgetting the furious, affectionate blaze that had once been Harry Potter's daughter and forgetting who destroyed her.

"See the pieces fall to the ground" another message, another bottle, a growing sense of fear. This time it doesn't matter that your Teddy Lupin, third generation marauder and godson of the boy-who-lived. You place the miniature bottle on a shelf and attempt to ignore it. Three days later you give in, you don't know if it's curiosity or guilt but you tip the bottle into the pensive and plunge in.

A sparkling girl's mask falls, shattering on the ground and a broken girl runs from the room. A broken girl hiding in a passage. A broken girl avoiding a boy's gaze. A broken girl on a roof in darkness, stars witnessing her tears. A broken girl shutting out the family a red haired girl once ran too. A boy. A boy with blonde hair and eyes the blue of dreams catching a broken girl as she stumbles. A broken girl smiling at a blonde boy's tale of wrackspurts. A broken girl's tears dried by a dreamer. A broken girl laughing as a blonde boy's spell sets the flowers dancing. A broken girl healing as a dream eyed boy tends her damaged heart. A blazing girl emerging from the shell of a broken one. A blazing girl laughing, a blazing girl dancing with a blue eyed dreamer. A blazing girl recovering, growing with the son of dreamers by her side.

You fall from the pensive confusion gripping you. The damage you understood, but the healing? You couldn't fathom why she'd send you those memories. And because you couldn't fathom it and it didn't break what was left of your heart you sent it back without a word and allowed nothing but relief to remain, forgetting the memory, forgetting that more might come. Forgetting that you'd broken her. So you moved on with the life your family had predicted and hoped for and you ignored the memories of a red haired girl with a carefree laugh who'd long ago disappeared.

"See the destruction you wrought" the only message, a tiny terrifying bottle of silvery strands attached to it. You don't dare leave this bottle, the idea of another finding it more horrible than the thoughts of the memories it could contain. So you tip it into the pensive and plunge in.

A blazing girl with a ring on her finger, joy suffusing the room. A blazing girl in a deep gold gown walking down a aisle to a boy with eyes the blue of dreams. A blazing girl in her brothers arms, dancing. A blazing girl laughing. A blazing girl glowing as a blonde boy swings her over a threshold. A blazing girl with a baby in her arms, incredulous eyes euphoric. A blazing girl answering a door to you. A blazing girl's fury. A blazing girl responding to your furious kiss. A blazing girl awaking, a baby crying. A blazing girl's shock and guilt as you stir beside her. A blazing girl breaking as a blonde dreamer freezes in a doorway, heart shattering. A blazing girl sobbing, pleading as a broken dreamer and tiny child leave. A blazing girl's fury. Hexes and hatred filled words thrown at you again and again. A blazing girl fading, alone. A lost girl leaving a house she was once happy in. A lost girl stumbling into the arms of the brother she'd once pushed away. A lost girl begging for forgiveness. A lost girl running. A lost girl in unfamiliar place after unfamiliar place. A lost girl crying without comfort. A lost girl hiding. A lost girl alone, destroyed and empty.

You step away from the pensive, guilt flooding you before you can suppress it. You'd gone to her because you'd argued with Victoire and you couldn't think of anyone else. You'd conveniently forgotten that you hadn't been on friendly terms since she was twelve. She'd looked at you in complete shock then as you'd stepped inside had started screaming at you. You'd been startled. You'd known she was angry and you'd regretted the rift that had existed between you when you remembered she existed but you never thought she'd react like this. You'd tried to explain that you'd had an argument and she'd sent a hex at you, snarling that she wouldn't be used as a fall back option to _Victoire_. You'd kissed her because she was angry, beautiful and blazing. She'd stopped yelling at you. You certainly hadn't meant for it to escalate, you were happily married! But you didn't see the harm enough to stop. (_forgot that she was happy_) You'd been surprised to wake up beside her. Never occurred to you that you could destroy the life she'd built back up. You'd left her sobbing and run after Lysander, begging him not to tell Victoire, not claiming responsibility, not persuading him to go back to the girl you'd once cared for, just trying to save your perfect life. He'd agreed, you never did work out why. Lily was too hurt embarrassed and just too fond of Victoire to tell anyone who you'd been. So you'd moved on. It never occurred to you to see if your red haired girl and her blonde haired dreamer had survived. Never occurred to you that you'd destroyed Lily all over again. No one even told you she'd run, why would they? You hadn't spoken more than in passing for twelve years! Not since the day you'd told the Potter's you were engaged to Victoire and a twelve year old red haired girl had run from the room, heart breaking. You send the bottle to Lysander, with a note that you hope explains, explains how happy she'd been, how broken she was now, and how this, _this_ is your fault and you want (need) to make it right.

"Thank you" were the only words on the label. A tiny bottle filled with silvery strands. A bottle that to your surprise fills you with hope. You tip it into the pensive and plunge in.

A lost girl opening a letter, her face lighting as she reads it. A lost girl knocking on a door, face twisted with apprehension. A boy with eyes the blue of dreams sweeping a lost girl from her feet and placing a fiery haired girl on the ground. A fiery haired girl gathering a baby into her arms, tears of relief running down her face. A fiery haired girl dancing with a dreamer, joy wreathing two faces. A fiery haired girl nestled in her brother's arms. A fiery haired girl at the centre of a family that adores her. A fiery haired girl laughing as a blue eyed dreamer spins her around. A fiery haired girl laughing as a baby reaches for her. A fiery haired girl laughing at her brother's antics. A fiery haired girl with a carefree laugh.

You emerge from the pensive relief, guilt and heart break running through you. Relief that the red haired girl was as close to existing as she ever could be. Relief that Lily was happy. Relief that your family need never know. Guilt that you'd broken the little red haired girl who'd once trusted him so completely. Guilt that you'd betrayed the trust of a boy who'd once respected you. Guilt that you'd broken the family that had raised you. Guilt that you'd felt your heart break a little. Break because _you_ didn't have your fierce, brave, loyal, loving red haired girl, break because you'd never have her trust again, break because you had your picture perfect life when you could have had one with her. But you push the heart break aside, because she's happy and you're lucky and so you let her be. You move on with your life and you're happy and you watch as the little red haired girl you once knew erupts in joy, happiness, success and everything she ever dreamed of (_except you_). Your happy with Victoire and she glows with joy with Lysander, the blonde boy with eyes the blue of dreams who saved her when you destroyed her and who loves her with everything he has.


End file.
